No Mand's Land: Sour 'Mash'

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sour 'Mash'

I have been receiving anonymous reports of so-called ‘technical difficulties’ at the Plymouth Area Community Television studios off Court Street.
According to my sources a fifteen year old volunteer, thinking he was a hip-hop VJ, used digital editing equipment to ‘mash’ many of the station’s regular line-up of shows together, creating some very odd, and oftentimes surprisingly compelling television.

Here then, is a run down of this week’s mutated weekday schedule:

8:00-8:30 a.m.
PSYCHIC SOFTBALL
The Brockton Rox Baseball Update, which was scheduled to start the week off Monday morning, was mixed up with the regularly scheduled episode of Psychic Encyclopedia, resulting in several Rox players hearing ghostly voices telling them they had no future in baseball.

8:30-9:00 a.m.
PORTU-PARTY
The latest segments of the popular Portuguese Around Us, and the high-decibel, youth-oriented Metal Storm, were also intermingled, and a new band, Death by Linguica, looks likely to be a hit with both audiences.

9:00-10:00 a.m.
WRESTLING WITH DEMOCRACY
The never-ending, epic-length, Japanese Wrestling review, Toukon Retsuden, was accidentally combined with recent political commentary from The Good, The Bad, and the Uugly, and in their combined episodes’ feature match it appears that Uugly co-host Karen Buechs has pinned the entire Plymouth Board of Selectmen to the mat. (I say ‘appears’ because when these two tapes were mixed the voices of the Uugly hosts were not in sync with the wrestler’s lips).
In addition, sources within the Uugly production team say Buechs is still refusing to get off the Selectman’s backs until they say ‘Uncle’, or agree to support her candidacy for Queen of the Cranberry Festival.

10:00-12:00 Noon
VACATIONS FROM HELL
Episodes of three separately produced shows -Shadows of the Paranormal, Allen’s African Adventures, and Practical Theology, combined to create the riveting, sure to be Emmy-nominated story of a Baptist Minister called upon to exorcise a demon from a young Hippopotamus.

12:00-1:00 p.m.
CALLING ON CARL
Episode #847 of Carl Pratt’s Video Sports Page was somehow overlaid on to a vintage Senior Health Today tape, producing the Plymouth South Girls Rugby Team’s first victory in years.

1:00-1:15 p.m.
YOU ESSAYS
Separate, half-hour episodes of Americans Speak Out, Americans are America, Freedom’s Voice, and American’s Speak Out –Live! when spliced together, resulted in a single episode only fifteen minutes long.

1:15-2:00 p.m.
SILLY NIGHTS, SILLY STREETS
The video monologues of Marvel Comics action hero and former simultaneous candidate for Selectman and School Committee Member Mark Lord were, apparently, unaffected.

1:15-3:00 p.m.
COOKING, WITH GAS
The accidental mixture of video tape from the award-winning Plymouth Profiles, with new episodes of Cooking with Georgia, resulted in a potent recipe for southern fried baked beans, which the Health Board is asking residents not to attempt at home without professional supervision.

3:00-5:00 p.m.
WELCOME BACK, CARTER
State Representative Vinny DeMacedo’s regular episode of Beacon Hill Forum was merged with the syndicated progressive talk show, Democracy Now, resulting in a nostalgic situation comedy featuring former President Jimmy Carter as a high school teacher in Iraq, and Representative DeMacedo as one of his wise-cracking students.

In related news:
Citing concern for the safety of all elected officials, the entire week’s schedule of governmental meetings has been cancelled and the Town Manager’s office has issued a statement indicating that no new meetings will be scheduled until after next week’s Cranberry Festival.
PACTV officials have announced that they are still planning to provide live coverage of the Cranberry Festival parade, contingent upon receiving legal permission from the Japanese Professional Wrestling Association.
If permission is not received by show time, PACTV will substitute a 24-hour marathon of Introduction to Tai Chi episodes, which were somehow combined with Car Care 101, creating a feature length advertisement that has been tentatively titled, Ernie Boch’s Feng Shui Auto Body Repair Shop.

More than ever, PACTV is not responsible for the content of these shows.

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Dec. 29, 2008 The Laundromat may be the last authentic public place.. That is, a place where people gather to do something other than gather, or be seen, or see others. Not a franchise bar, or a concept restaurant, or a public hall. A place where - necessity creates the confluence? No, that's not it: necessity, in a way, is also behind the concept restaurant, or the themed bar. A place where by accident, or as a result of forces beyond the personal, strangers come together? Our dryer died and so, every week I take a few soggy loads of wash to Ye Olde Pilgrim Washing Well Laundromat downtown: that's not a joke by the way, its the actual name. It had been a while since I had gone to a laundromat. The last time might have been in the mid eighties, when I drove my motorcycle to Connecticut, down 84, and on the way back pulled into a laundromat in a strip mall just off the highway near Hartford, to dry off the clothes I was wearing. I stripped down to my skivvies, threw everything else into a dryer, and waited for my clothes to dry and the rain to lessen. Now though, I am a regular, of sorts, at Ye Olde, spending about 40 minutes per visit per week. I bring the clothes in trash bags, so I can dump them easily in to the dryers (which are surprisingly inexpensive: about 75 cents per load). Then, when they are dry I put the clothes in laundry baskets and slip the trash bags over each basket - keeping them safe from rain or whatever, and ensuring that I will not let a stray sock fall out while I am transporting them. In my forty minutes or so, I usually read, but I can't help but hear conversations, can't completely block out the songs from the radio, and though I know my dryers have a long way to go, can't help but stand and check out the time remaining on each when I hear the warning buzzers from other dryers somewhere nearby. Today I overheard bits and pieces of a conversation between two women about a third - who had just left: how tough things were for her, about her cat which she takes everywhere, about how the cat behaved more like a dog, sitting on command, waiting at her side at intersections. Some talk of Obama too, cynical assessments of America, pity for Obama, or anyone, who was going to take over now. Complaints about the lack of anything good to read: 'just Sports Illustrated'. Information about abandoned laundry. How could anyone forget about their laundry - and, even if they did, why don't they come back for it. Seems there is a wealth of unclaimed laundry in the laundromats basement. Forty minutes is all I need though. Today, while the wash tunbled, I read a few chapters from 'Mr. Rinyo-Clacton's Offer', an AIDS era story of death and potato pancakes. Uh oh, it's happening. I am thinking that a combination laundromat and bar is a good business concept. But then I know I wouldn't go there - unless, somehow, the owners could manage to keep the laundromat authentic. Maybe the thing to do would be to keep the two business separate. Have a glass door between them, but different management. Act as if there is no connection, but allow people to take their drinks between them, sell drinks with funny names like 'Spin Dry' and 'Fluff and Fold'. No, that wouldn't work.
Dec. 9, 2008 Been a long time since I added to this blog. I've been churning out the columns, but not taking the time to transfer them here. But I'm baaack, as they say. A lot has happened in the mean time. We finally won one: after ten years of going door to door for various Democratic or progressive candidates, we finally won back the White House. Of course Obama has his hands full - after eight years of the disastrous Bush administration. But beggars can't be choosers. Anyway, here we are, on the verge of a complete economic meltdown. Maybe the truth is that I'm a crow - a scavenger that thrives in the worst of times. Maybe for me, the news is good. Gosh, looking back at my last addition to this stream, I see I was commenting on poor Anna Nicole. Gone and, pretty much forgotten.
FEB15,2007 Anna Nicole is going out as she came in, with a great deal of sound and fury, signifying nothing. There was less there than any of us might have imagined: a little girl caught in a rainstorm. The significance of Anna Nicole, I think, is that she represents a kind of innocence: not of herself, but of this age of non-stop images. Nothing, and no one can be left alone: once you are in the public domain, you are the public's domain. Perhaps, in time, we will tire of this, or we will squander everything for it. The world's fascination with Anna Nicole is no different than the 11-year old boys' obsession with his Playstation. Anna Nicole may have been the first victim of society's inability to pull themselves away from the screen. Certainly she is not the last. FEB 17, 2007 After six years of incompetence and ideological posturing I suppose it is not surprising that is what is now a Republican minority cannot make a clean break from the past. However the cowardice that Republican Members of Congress has demonstrated recently, and the equally pathetic obstruction of their counterparts in the Senate as regards the efforts to make a statement in opposition to the escalation in Iraq, genuinely angers me - and demands, I believe, a creative, non-violent reponse. The Republican apologists - those formally conservative voices in the press and on television who, in the past several months have begun to stake out a more moderate role (anticipating the change in the country's mood) had for some time been sniping at the Democrats as to the impotency of their non-binding proposals on Iraq. But the obstructive policies or the right have put the lie to that perspective. Elections will come again in two years - and more Republicans will pay with their seats, but we need to take action now to let them feel our anger. They should not be able to walk to lunch without hearing our displeasure and disdain. They should not be able to spend their weekends golfing or skiing, or enjoying themselves at all until they make a clear and unequivocal statement as regards this escalation. This war has gone on now, longer than World War Two, and the President seems content that it go on forever - for to do so is a kind of justification - the final justification. They want this war to go on because, to end it would be to finally admit what idiots they have been. We wouldn't accept this kind of argument from our children, and damned if I am going to accept it from these children. These are 'The Emperors New Clothes".

No Mand's Land

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sour 'Mash'

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