Don't Drink the Water

The old-timers wink at one another and mutter something about the water. There’s something in the water.
But in Plymouth, that doesn’t seem to hold up.
What water are we talking about: saltwater, well water, town water? Clearly – in Plymouth at least, it’s not the water.
Maybe it’s something in the air.
Maybe it’s the nukes?
What can explain it?
What explanation is there – to cite just one example, for Selectperson Jean Loewenberg – a corporate attorney and otherwise intelligent woman, running around in the dark, uprooting political signs and tossing them into the woods?
Never mind that these signs were illegally placed on town property.
Never mind that every year for every local election the majority of political signs seemed to be placed on town, or state property.
Loewenberg must have known, in the corporate side of her brain, that what she was doing was bone-headed at best: but she could not control herself.
But what about the other local politicians – and/or their lackeys, who repeatedly ignore the town law regulating the placement of these signs?
You are only supposed to place signs on private property – with the permission of the property owners. This can be a laborious process – but, if followed, the end result would indicate actual support of a candidate.
As it is, if median strips could vote we’d have record turnouts!
But the abuse of the political sign bylaws is only one of many signs of the madness that affects Plymouth in the spring.
What about Karen Buechs?
What is it that induces Karen to run and run and run?
Honestly, I thought this was Karen’s year. I expected that – with no ballot issues to lure the locals away from their precious weekend barbeques and lawn work, Karen’s dedicated cadre of ‘Don’t Tread on Me” Anti-Tax, Pro-Mayor, semi-pro election workers would win the day.
She had quite a few signs, in more than one color (I think she may even have recycled some of her old signs, from previous campaigns).
Ms. Buechs even had several television shows on the local cable access channel, which she either produced or directed – on which normally self-absorbed hosts repeatedly urged people to vote for her.
But Plymouth has spoken, and once again they spoke a blend of Mandarin, Hip-Hop and Portuguese.
Karen is out, but Kenny is in?
Former Selectman Ken Tavares was ousted last year in the same election in which Ms. Buech’s efforts to move the town toward Mayoral government, were overwhelmingly repudiated at the polls.
And - in that same election, Tavares lost to an inexperienced candidate supported by Buechs.
That was of course, Sean Dodgson, who served only a few months on the board before he was arrested for – what he has said was, his own private investigation of online sexual predators.
Maybe that’s it – the source of this strange behavior: perhaps it’s not the water but, instead, our Internet stream that’s tainted with some kind of virus.
So last year Dodgson took Tavares’ seat on the board, and the ‘Open” slate (who Tavares strongly supported) was elected and – this year, Buechs is out and Tavares is back in?
Tavares actually received more votes than anyone running for a contested office this year, and will now occupy what will forever be known as the SDS (the Sean Dodgson Seat).
I’m confused but, in general, I think I’m happy with the results.
I didn’t really follow the campaigns of any of the candidates, so my votes were based on bias and political signs alone.
I was a big supporter of Mr. Luscz, largely because I couldn’t pronounce his name – at first. Driving through town, reading the signs out loud, I guessed it was ‘loots’ or ‘luge’ or ‘lux’. But then I received some of his campaign literature in the mail. On one of his cards it said, “How Duscz Pronounce His Name?”.
How can you not vote for a guy who says his name rhymes with fuzzy?
So Fuzzy Luscz got my vote – and lost.
I was generally unfamiliar with the candidates for School Committee, and hoped that inspiration would strike. In the booth I saw that Amy Heine’s full name – listed on the ballot, was Amy “Little” Heine.
I voted for Little Heine, and she lost too.
Beyond that I didn’t have much to go on.
Butch Machado seemed to have more signs than anyone else –at least in my neck of the woods, but I’d heard people say his candidacy was “Much Ado” about nothing. I didn’t vote for Butch – and he won.
The big winner, of the losers that is, was Jeffrey Simpson.
I don’t think he had any signs.
I don’t think he had any literature.
I didn’t vote for him and yet, somehow, he still lost, big.
With just 264 votes Mr. Simpson was the lowest vote getter of any candidate for any office.
I expect big things from Jeffrey.
Next year he’ll probably have signs on the highway, at the Pet Cemetery, on the roof of Wal-Mart and beyond.
And after that, who knows?
No one knows.
Isn’t it great!