A Four Letter Word

As part of the ongoing celebrations commemorating my 100th No Mand’s Land column, I am going to list – in no particular order, 100 things I actually like about Plymouth and its inhabitants.
1. First, I like that my devoted readers (all three of them) are incredulous that there are 100 things I admit I like about Plymouth.
2. I also like that though I’ve lived here for nearly 25 years, I can still get lost in Myles Standish State Forest.
3. I like the old Court House too. It’s like something out of a Spenser for Hire novel: a grandiose exterior that belies a maze-like interior filled with narrow, dimly lit hallways full of suspicious characters, over-sized cops, and lawyers that look as if they are being asked to verify that the milk has gone sour.
4. Gellar’s aluminum ice cream cone. When they tear Gellars down to make way for the new combination Museum of Manomet Life and Dunkin Donuts, I’ve got dibs on the cone.
5. The nauseating color scheme at Town Hall: it’s guaranteed to ward off evil, keep board members awake, and agitate ‘certain others’.
6. Japanese ‘Professional’ Wrestling on Cable Access: where else can you watch reruns of men in tights, watching reruns of men in tights, watching reruns.
7. That in a one minute stroll down Court Street, I can have a taco, a curry, moo shi, sushi, sax lessons, a slice of cake, and a pint of Meade (and the stomach pumping people of Jordan Hospital are just a three-minute ambulance ride away!)
8. Enisketomp: when they demolish the McDonalds at Exit 5 to make room for a retention pond, I’ve got dibs on Enisketomp.
9. Bloody Pond. An English tourist named this pond, after getting lost in Myles Standish State Forest.
10. The Billington Sea.
11. The Billington Brothers. If I had a band, that’s what I’d call it (dibs!).
12. The New Brewster Gardens.
13. White Horse Beach in winter.
14. The abandoned train station at the abandoned Wal-Mart at The Latest Attempt to Make Something Out of Cordage Park Commerce Center
15. Bug Light.
16. Clark’s Island: actually, I’ve never been to Clark’s Island, but I’ve heard some great stories.
17. Mosquitoes as big as turkeys and not half as bright. (Oh, I am informed that those are actually swarms of turkeys)
18. Plimoth Plantation (Oh, I am informed that it is now called PineHills)
19. Caterpillar Season.
20. The Saturday Peace Vigil
21. The trolley driver who is always ‘gesturing’ at the participants in the Peace Vigil.
22. The Karen Buechs All-Star Review and Moot Court Team: check the court house schedule for their next live appearance.
23. Burial Hill.
24. Town Meeting.
25. Free coffee and home-made baked goods at the Church of the Pilgrimage on Thanksgiving morning.
26. That a blind-folded foreigner, parachuting randomly anywhere within the town limits, would take only 37 seconds to stumble into a drive-thru lane at a Dunkin Donuts (unless they are impaled on the Gellar’s Ice Cream Cone).
27. That there are almost as many golf carts as Hummers, registered in the town.
28. The “No Surfing” signs at the giant retention ponds on the New 44.
29. The contest to name the giant retention ponds along the New 44 (Rusty Pond? Rubber Pond? Wal-Mart Pond?)
30. The folks who want to stock the giant retention ponds on the New 44 with brown trout and wide-mouth bass.
31. Olde 44
32. The Reverend Professor Peter J. Gomes
33. City Lights, City Streets
34. The BBC on Middle Street
35. The Old Colony Club
36. Emerson Field on White Horse Beach Road
37. The dozen or so local guys who coach Little League, Youth Basketball, Youth Football, umpire, referee, play golf regularly, have fabulous lawns, nice kids, are somehow still married, and haven’t spontaneously burst into flames.
38. People who drive five MPG, ten-ton, tinted window, black SUVs that seat sixteen and have a bumper sticker that reads, “Piping Plover – Tastes Like Chicken”.
39. Anything cooked by Martha Stone.
40. The smoked eel at Asian Essence.
41. The Pad Thai at Star of Siam.
42. The Weber Grill in My Backyard.

Honestly, I have at least 58 more things that I like about Plymouth, but I’ve run out of space. I’ll save the rest for my 200th column, provided of course that the Bulletin offices have not been sold by then to make room for another Dunkin Donuts, or a retention pond, or a turkey meat processing plant.